"I have tried simply to write the best I can. Sometimes I have good luck and write better than I can." -Ernest Hemingway

“The only living works are those which have drained much of the author's own life into them.” –Samuel Butler

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Empty Worries (Part One)


Jessica slowly walked to the house, not watching her surroundings, when she bumped into her husband, Jake.  His arms shot out to steady her.  When she looked into his eyes, she saw a spark of urgency.
            “Honey, I have to tell you something.” Jake blurted.
            Jessica didn’t hear him and noticed he was home instead of work.  “Why aren’t you at work right now?” A slight flash of fear glazed over Jessica’s eyes for a brief moment, before she hid it.
            “That is what I need to tell you about.  I… umm…” Again, Jake started to consider how he could tell Jessica his news.
            “Well…” Jessica paused to let him continue and when he didn’t, she said, “Just say it.”
            “I… kinda… let’s just say… I…” Jake stumbled over his words.  He averted his gaze from Jessica, fearing what she was going to think.
            “Come on, honey.  Just say it.” She urged.
            “Okay… I… I lost my job.” Jake looked almost relieved to finally not carry the burden of his news.
            “What?! This can’t be happening!  What about…? What are we…?” Now, Jessica couldn’t look at Jake.  She wrung her hands and shifted her weight between her feet to hide the fact she was shaking from head to toe.
            “Honey, I know this is going to be hard for awhile, but we can still make it through.  I’ll get another job soon, don’t worry.” Jake noticed her agitation, and he had no idea his news would’ve affected her like this.
            “But…  What about-” She quickly shut her mouth before it slipped.
            Jake wasn’t so sure if his news made her so upset or something else. “Are you okay?  Is there something you want to tell me?”
            “No, I’m fine. Perfect!”  Jessica exclaimed with a false passion, which made Jake know something was defiantly wrong.
            “You don’t sound or look perfect.  What is it?” Jake reached out to comfort Jessica.
            The moment he touched her icy arm, she jerked away as if his hand was an inferno, and snapped, “Nothing! It’s nothing!” Jessica frantically looked around to see if anyone besides her husband had heard her outburst.
            “Whoa.  It is something.  You know you can tell me anything.  If it is about my job, Luke said he could pull some strings and get me a job.  Baby, don’t worry.”
            “How can I not worry?! How can any of this work out?”  Jessica’s eyes filled with tears. She futilely tried to force them back but a single tear slipped down her cheek.
            “Well, if you just tell me what’s on your mind, maybe I can help.” Jake wanted to reach out to her again, but he feared she would shy away.  He just wanted to know what bothered her, so he could fix it.
            Jessica got more agitated by the minute.  Jake’s calmness unnerved her, and she said, “No, you can’t help.  You can’t fix this!  Not this time.” For the first time, Jessica noticed the cold.  She quickly retreated to the house and left Jake standing defeated on the sidewalk.  She escaped to the bathroom, just in time to lose her breakfast.
             She slowly sank to the ground with her tears freely flowing.  In the distance, she faintly heard Jake enter the house.  Jessica knew she should tell Jake what she had found out at the doctor, but then she remembered their conversation from a few nights ago…
            “Jake, do you want kids?” The look on his face gave away his answer, but Jessica continued, “I mean… Don’t you want to be a father?”
            “Jessica, I would like kids, it’s just, not now.” Jake finished getting ready for bed and joined Jessica, who looked surprised by his answer.
            “Why?  Why not now, what’s wrong with now?”
            “We don’t have much money for us, let alone kids.  And besides, we are just settling into this house and my job, we don’t need to throw kids into the mix to make life more crazy.”  Jake turned off his lamp on his nightstand, showing he didn’t want to discuss it anymore.
            Jessica immediately got flustered at his blatant dismissal and said, “If we had kids, we would manage.  Sure, we won’t be able to spend our money so freely, but I think it would be worth it.”
            Jake deliberately ignored her, “Go to sleep, I have to go to work early tomorrow.”
            “Fine, but this isn’t the end of this discussion.” Jessica shut off her lamp and jerked the covers over her.
            Jessica and Jake hadn’t talked about it since that night, and now, Jessica regretted not being able to convince him.
            Jessica sat on the bathroom floor a few minutes more.  Realizing she couldn’t stay there any longer, she slowly got up.  She opened the door just in time to see Jake get his jacket to sneak from the house.  He glanced her way with a look of defeat. Turning away, he opened the door and walked out.
            Wanting to go after him, Jessica stopped herself because she didn’t want to reveal her news just yet.
            Jessica tried to snap out of her current mood but couldn’t while she sat idle.  In a crazed state, she quickly cleansed every inch of her house until nothing was left to do.
            When the last of her energy was spent, she went to her spotless room, and she crawled into her bed. An hour later, Jake found her curled into a ball, shivering on top of the covers. Tears were streaming down her face.

To Be Continued…

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