Musings of the Smart Girl with Pink Hair and High Heels (She Admitted It)

She admitted it.

He has been interested in her for so long. I hoped he would overcome those feelings and finally see that I stood by waiting for him.

I had left for the summer, only to come back and see she had changed her mind again. She decided she wanted him, even after I informed her of my feelings and we both knew he would choose her.

Late into the night, we were talking about relationships. She found out that I am the type of girl who will probably only be in one relationship in my whole life and she admitted she couldn’t see herself as the same. She unintentionally admitted she most likely won’t stick with him.

I, so badly, want to warn him. He is plunging head-first into disaster and opening his heart to this friend of mine that says she’ll hurt him. I want to save him the trouble, but I can’t do such a wretched thing to a girl I called friend.

Now, I will just sit by and watch the sparks and explosions. By the time she is done with him, I shall have hopefully moved on. Poor love-struck boy: he never stood a chance.

Musings of the Smart Girl with Pink Hair and High Heels (Tonight)

Tonight’s the night. Our friendship will come down to the few hours we spend together this evening. It could either break apart completely, or mend.

Tonight I will see them together. Hopefully it won’t break my heart once more.

They will send each other secret looks and timid glances. They may hold hands, or sit close. They just might rip me apart without even trying.

Tonight, I will sit by my single self and long for what they have. They are beginning the long journey into love and all I can do is stand by to watch what I wanted so dearly.

She is the victor of a game she didn’t know she played. She couldn’t be happier with the prize that felt into her hands, as I feel the knife of betrayal sink into the soft skin of my neck.

Tonight will be the night when I find out if I can live with their budding relationship.

Musings of the Smart Girl with Pink Hail and High Heels (Near Collision)

Sometimes life can be like a near car crash.

You want to turn right. The light in front of you is a bright red and you check to see if the coast is clear. You glance left and scan the surrounding lanes of traffic. It appears to be clear. You push the gas.

As your car accelerates, you see a truck appear out of thin air, coming straight for you. It’s too late. You are already in the intersection and you just have to go. You pray the other car notices you in your blunder and slams on the breaks.

Your heart is racing, palms sweating. A crash could have just occurred. Your mind races through all the horrible possibilities and you slowly exhale.

In life, we make mistakes. We are rich in mistakes and, most of the time, we harm people when we make those failures. All we can ask for is forgiveness and all we need is to learn from our blunders.

Photography

Musings of the Smart Girl with Pink Hair and High Heels (Nowhere To Go)

Every time I look in her eyes, all I think of is how she carelessly hurt me.

She is happy with her choices and unaware she did any wrong. I don’t want to be the person to ruin that, I was her friend. I just let the anger and pain simmer below the surface. It bubbles underneath my skin and I fear that it will one day burn into hate.

She is so ignorant, but I can’t bring her up to speed without needlessly hurting her, as she did to me. I have to be the better person, but that means my pain just grows in the dark places where I hide it.

There’s no easy fix. There’s no easy stream to glide down. No traffic-free highway.

All that’s left is for me so sit back and watch her joy. The joy she stole.